Healthy Communication
The most important thing about communication is to hear what isn’t being said.
—John Drucker
Communication is extremely complex. Frequently, the message is in the subtext as opposed to the actual words. There is an expectation that the message is being received without confirmation. There are techniques such as utilizing I-statements and active listening that can decrease miscommunications and misunderstandings.
I-statements:
An I-statement is an effective style of communication that focuses on the feelings and beliefs of the speaker rather than the individual they’re speaking with. When a sentence begins with “you”, individuals immediately become defensive as they often feel threatened. So rather than saying something like, “You never do anything around the house.” Instead, you would say something like, “I get really stressed when I feel I’m doing the majority of the housework. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of.”
There are five primary steps for active listening:
Focus on the speaker and give them your undivided attention
Show that you are listening by not being distracted by external stimuli (e.g. phone)
Give feedback to confirm that you are receiving the intended message
Do not judge. It is the fastest way to shut down the conversation
Respond in an appropriate manner
Resources:
How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lowndes
Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time by Susan Scott
Everyone Communicates, Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently by John C. Maxwell
It’s the Way You Say It: Becoming Articulate, Well-Spoken, and Clear by Carol A. Fleming
The Messages Workbook: Powerful Strategies for Effective Communication at Work & Home by Martha Davis, PhD, et al